New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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