the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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