We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Randomize
