guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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