That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
