My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i out mim tonsoeep
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