shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
