Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize