I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
