Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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