Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
