did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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