wakey wakey hands off snakey
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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