I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
