If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
