a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
