Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
