There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
