I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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