So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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