he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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