I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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