I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
