I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
