I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
