But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
