Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I just sharted jello shots
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
