i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
40s are totally the cure
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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