I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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