I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
