There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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