Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
God, I missed his penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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