If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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