I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
