I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
