Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to get me chipped asap
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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