Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize