I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
