its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
