So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
