i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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