i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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