Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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