My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
