Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
