the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
