YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize