I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
