I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
