I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
