The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
