PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
