Quick, to the slutcave!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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