I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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