Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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