i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Betty ford says i'm here all night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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