hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
