I can tuck mytits in my pants
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
