The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
