I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
