R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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