Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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