grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
